I was arrested by Hong Kong Customs for trafficking dangerous drugs. I have been living with guilt and regret for months. I don’t know how to handle this inner struggle. My worries for my family have not stopped since my arrest. I regret choosing the wrong path to earn money.
Some time ago my father was diagnosed with colorectal cancer and he recovered after having surgery. However, about a year ago, my father started to notice his health deteriorating, and it seemed that his cancer had come back. At about this time, I had plans to marry my girlfriend whom I had been dating for five years. We have been through a lot of difficulties together. She was always by my side when I was having financial hardships. She also took care of me when I got injured due to work. She was 29 years old and I wanted to marry her and build a family together before she turned 30.
Just like that, I was in need of a lot of money for both my father’s medical treatment and hosting the wedding banquet. I had heard that one could earn between HK$30,000-HK$40,000 per month as a food delivery rider with Foodpanda. So I bought a motorcycle and joined the food delivery industry but as I would soon find out, the earnings weren’t all that were painted to be. Due to my long-term lower back problem, I couldn’t drive for long hours. That meant I could only work for up to 10 hours a day. Debts kept piling up. Every month, I had to repay HK$6,000 for my loan and another HK$6,000 allowance for my father. I also needed money for motorcycle maintenance… I simply didn’t have enough income to survive.
Looking back now, I think I am guilty. I don’t know how many people I have harmed, and how many people have suffered indirectly because of my sins.
One day, just as I was about to start work I found my motorcycle had a flat tire and I didn’t have enough money to repair it. At that moment, I was overwhelmed by the situation, I felt helpless. I didn’t know how to live my life anymore. I only knew that if I didn’t have the money to repay the loan, I would be chased by the loan company and that would affect my family. With this thought in mind, I looked online for a job that would allow me to make some “quick cash”. I saw a post that mentioned I could earn more than $100,000 a month. I asked about it. The job required to deliver some “brick-like” items. I already suspected that it would be drugs-related, otherwise, how could a simple delivery job be able to earn $100,000 a month? But I didn’t dare to refuse, and I dared not to stop, as I had provided my home address to the contact before joining, and I lived with my family. There was no turning back the moment I gave away my address and contact information.
I had been doing this delivery job a few times for about half a year until February 2022, until I was arrested downstairs of the warehouse I had been asked to rent to store the drugs.
During the first month from my arrest, I couldn’t accept the fact that I was about to be in prison for more than 10 years. I felt really bad seeing my family and my girlfriend suffer because of me. There wasn’t a day that I didn’t think to commit suicide and end all the pain.
Thankfully, I pulled through it with the support of my family and my girlfriend. I used to be very quiet when I first arrived at the prison. Now, I have started to chat with the other inmates. Although I seem more cheerful than before, deep down in my heart I still feel miserable. I’m just suppressing my feelings but the negative emotions remain.
I still hate myself for causing my family and loved ones to suffer. Because of my greed and impatient personality, I have become a knife in the hands of the lawless… I don’t know how many people have been affected by the drugs I delivered in the past six months. Looking back now, I think I am guilty. I don’t know how many people I have harmed, and how many people have suffered indirectly because of my sins.
Note: This letter has been translated from its original in Chinese, and edited to improve it’s readability.