The cold hurt me inside and out, I felt my baby move inside me, and my mind never stopped thinking….
I am Brazilian, 23 years old and in Dec 2018 – a week before I came to Hong Kong – I left my home town in the north of Brazil and travelled to São Paulo. I was 7 months pregnant with my first child. A “friend” offered me the trip, and in the situation I was in, I accepted. The day had finally arrived for my trip to Hong Kong. All was set.
My family are humble people without financial means and I was pregnant and unemployed; the father of my child did not help me with anything. At that point I could not see a way out of my situation, I was feeling vulnerable and hopeless and saw no other option but to accept the offer made by my “friend.”
She said to me: “come to São Paulo and when you get here I will explain to you all about it.”
So, one week before Christmas, I travelled from the north of Brazil to São Paulo, and stayed a few days in a hotel called São Jorge, in the city centre.
Like she said, my “friend” patiently and carefully explained to me what I had to do.
She said: “you are going to Hong Kong, the trip is booked and you will stay there for a few days only. You will carry the drugs concealed inside your bra. Everything will be alright.
She prepared me about what I had to do and how to do it. Finally the day for my trip arrived: Dec 24, 2018. Evening flight. During the day I came out of the hotel to get some fresh air, and gather my thoughts. I was apprehensive. I considered and reconsidered everything . I had already gone too far, things were set in motion and I thought it was too late to back off from the plan at that point.
I went back to the hotel and started to get ready, when my “friend” arrived with a Nigerian man, and gave me a bra already prepared with the drugs inside it. I put the bra on, feeling very apprehensive knowing that everything could go wrong as much as it could go well. My “friend” had said to me that others had done the same thing and had been OK.
I was already deep into it and felt I could not change my mind at that point. It was too late!
The time came to go, I took a taxi and headed to the airport. My flight was at 00:00 of Dec 24th.
The ordeal begins
The itinerary I had to do was Brazil-Ethiopia- Thailand-Hong Kong. My heart was racing and a disquiet came over me as if alerting me of something. When I arrived at Hong Kong airport, I did everything as I was told. I cleared immigration and went to collect my suitcase.
When I approached Customs my ordeal began. Two men intercepted me and asked for my passport and asked me questions. I answered all of them but it wasn’t enough. They called two female officers to conduct a body search on me. They took me to a room, told me to undress – which I did – and when I took off the bra I was wearing they asked me what was inside it. As I remained silent, they opened my bra and saw that there was something in liquid form concealed inside it. They carried out a test and it produced positive results for cocaine.
On the 26 of December, 2018 at about 19:00, I was arrested at the Hong Kong International Airport for trafficking in dangerous drugs.
On the 29 of December I went to Court and from there I was taken to a women’s prison in HK.
I arrived at the prison still not believing in what was happening to me.
Another shock wave hit me. I was 7 months pregnant and had to go through several unpleasant body searches, it was a cold afternoon and all these people shouting in a language strange to me. On top of this, there was a lacerating pain in my heart and soul.
In the prison, was taken to an area reserved for newcomers, called “the hospital”. In that state of shock one cannot sleep, cannot eat, only think, and think… Thinking of our family, friends, parents, our home… to increase my anguish, I was pregnant with my first child. What am I to do? How can I stay in a prison in this condition? For how long? What will happen to me and my baby?…. There were so many questions going through my mind!
The first phone call
The says went on and I could not contact my family, or my mother. I was only able to contact my mother after one month. It was only a 20 minute phone call in which all I heard was my mother crying, it felt like a thousand knives piecing my heart. I tried to keep calm, for my baby, but I was still in shock, and had no strength. I thought I had met my end, I was finished. I would never feel happiness. All I wanted was an embrace from God. The cold hurt me inside and out, I felt my baby move inside me, and my mind never stopped thinking….
Now I know that there is not enough money in the world to compare with the value of one’s freedom.
Many people ask me “why did you do this?” Dear ones, when you find yourself in desperate situation like mine who come from a poor family, having a mother suffering with a chronic disease requiring constant hospitalization, a baby on the way unacknowledged by his father who offered no support whatsoever… I found myself desperate. All I wanted was to get rid of the financial problems.
Now I know that there is not enough money in the world to compare with the value of one’s freedom. I am so utterly repentant of what I did in my state of despair. I was vulnerable and in that weak state I was easy prey, easily taken advantage of.
I erred as anyone is subject to err also, and today I am repentant and looking for the right way, the way of Truth. I seek forgiveness. I want to help end this drug trafficking tragedy and that’s why I am telling my story.
I am the first Brazilian to give birth to a baby while in detention in Hong Kong. This is a sad, oppressive place which only brings the pain of missing our loved ones, the slow passing of time, tears… and they roll down my face every day when I think that my son will be taken from me.
Today I am a mother and I understand what my mother must be suffering away from me.
The loneliness kills us slowly.
Note: this letter was translated from its original in Portuguese and grammatical errors corrected. Read letter in Portuguese here
