I grew up in a Christian family. Although I went to church with my parents, I felt that religious faith was out of reach and untouchable. My mother was a college principal, and my father was a professor. I used to be an obedient child, but as I grew up, I faced many challenges and temptations.
While studying for a Nursing degree at the University of Hong Kong, I developed a heavy dependence on smoking, drinking, and relationships with men. One summer, while partying at a nightclub, I tried drugs and soon became addicted.
This addiction had significant mental and physical effects on me. In 2010, I experienced serious health problems and was frequently admitted to the hospital where I was given morphine to alleviate physical pain. I felt guilty when the nurses came to attend to me, as I believed that I should be the one serving instead of being served.
My family became extremely worried and I began to feel hopeless. I lost both my health and my career.
In 2013, I developed mental problems and hallucinations due to an overdose. At that time, I felt like I was living in a virtual world of fear and loneliness. I felt abandoned and like I had nothing. One day, when suffering from withdrawal symptoms, I attempted to commit suicide. I was experiencing twitching and difficulty breathing. I vividly remember hearing the sound of chains approaching me and felt spirits of hatred and resentment trying to overtake me. Frightened, I looked up at the sky with my eyes wide open and cried out in desperation “Lord! My God!…”
I vividly remember hearing the sound of chains approaching me and felt spirits of hatred and resentment trying to overtake me. Frightened, I looked up at the sky with my eyes wide open and cried out in desperation: “Lord! My God!…”
When choosing to end my life, a passage from Bible scripture suddenly came to my mind, John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” The words came to my mind three times. Then I fell unconscious.When I woke up, I found that I was holding a Bible and a necklace with a cross that one of my friends had given me as a gift. I started thinking, “Does God really exist? Has He been watching over me?” I wanted to change. I tried to ask God whether He was willing to listen to my prayer. It was as if He was asking me to reflect on “Where I came from and where I am going.”
“A broken and contrite heart, God, you will not despise” (Psalm 57:176)” “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; He who seeks finds; and to Him who knocks, the door will be opened.” (Matthew 7: 7-8)
I remember a time in my life when I was at my darkest, a paramedic once said to me when I met him a second time in an ambulance, “I’ve been praying for you.” And a policeman told my family, “Your daughter will never be saved unless Jesus changes her!”
Grace found
All along, there were so many people praying for me, and prayer is powerful. I thank God for bringing me to church on August 24, 2013. During the worship time, the hymns went deep into my heart and I kept thinking back to the sins I had committed in the past. I wept and repented. At that moment, I saw a light above me and felt embraced by it. The light was so holy that my feet became weak and I wanted to fall to my knees. God answered my prayers. He gives freedom to everyone who says no to sin. I found that repentance is more joyful than anything else, and I no longer felt the bondage of sin.
On January 5, 2014, God surprised me when I saw at church the same paramedic who had been praying for me!Every day after my conversion, God seemed to say to me, “No matter how far away you are from me, no matter how far you go, I am always watching over you like a shadow. (Cf Psalm 121: 3-4) Now I believe He is always with me. Not just from the past until now, but He promised to love the world forever. As it is written in Psalm 139: 13, 16. “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”I thank God that He gave me a church where I can have good friends, a pastor to guide me, share happiness and worries and serve God. Jesus was forsaken by all and crucified for us, and thanks to that sacrifice I decided I needed to change. My suffering is nothing compared to His death at the cross. He has set me free and destroyed the power of sin that binded me. Relying on God daily, I am confident that His provision is sufficient and better than I could ever hope for. He has brought me out of the valley of death and allowed me to experience His unfailing love.God enabled me to serve again, “He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.” (Ephesians 4:28) While serving I came to realize that whether one is disabled or suffering, one is blessed if one is strong in spirit!
“Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance. Christ Jesus came to the world to save sinners – of whom I am the worst. But for that every reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. Now to the King, Eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever, Amen.”
I was baptized in 2014 and quit smoking and drugs for five years. During that time, I worked at a bank, hospital, and education centers while taking care of my son. After four years, I returned to continue my studies… but then I stopped going to church again.
I was apprehended on charges of robbery and trafficking. My family is extremely disappointed in me. My parents take care of my 8-year-old son, but they have decided that they cannot take care of my youngest one. He is now under the care of the Social Welfare Department. I am deeply concerned about his well-being and unsure of what to do. It has been two years since I last saw them. I have been crying constantly since then.This time, my mother has helped me hire a lawyer. I hope I can go out soon and rebuild the relationship between me and my family and take care of my two sons.
Note: This letter has been edited from its original to improve readability.
