I have never had the habit of taking drugs. I became involved in this serious crime because I was in debt and wanted to make quick money.
My parents divorced when I was six years old and since then, my father and I have depended on each other for support.
Two years after their divorce, my father was diagnosed with schizophrenia. At that time, we were living with my aunt. Later, my father’s condition worsened, and we needed to vacate my aunt’s home due to a house renovation.
I suffered bullying during at school and that made me very insecure and doubt whether I was suited for living in society. I even stopped attending school on and off for about six months. Eventually, I was sent to a government residential institution for six years, until I turned 18 and moved with my father into public housing.
After I graduated from secondary school, I worked several part-time jobs for two years. When I became unemployed I had to rely on social welfare for a year. During that time, my father’s condition fluctuated, and he was hospitalized several times. Although his condition is manageable now, he still needs regular medical follow-ups.
Because of the mistake I made I will now probably have to spend a long time in jail. I worry deeply about my father well-being at home alone.
Entering this place has had a major impact on my physical and mental state. At first, I suffered from insomnia and various other health issues. Because of all the worry and stress, I often had headaches.
Now, that my future is uncertain, I feel anxious and overthink constantly as I do not know what sentence I will receive.
When my father learned that I had been imprisoned, I was afraid the shock would affect him too deeply, but at the same time I was touched that he did not give up on me.
As for my friends, I have not taken the initiative to contact them because I feel ashamed, so I have kept a low profile. Losing my freedom and losing communication with the outside world has filled me with deep regret. Many relationships can no longer be maintained.
Whenever I think of my father, I secretly cry because I do not want to affect other people. I feel a deep sense of loss. We have always depended on each other and gone through so much together — a relationship that cannot truly be described in words.
Now I am deeply disappointed in myself for not being able to properly care for him. I hope I can spend the rest of my life honoring and taking care of him.
I sincerely urge everyone not to go down the wrong path. One wrong step can lead to many more mistakes. Do not gamble on luck, and be careful of the people around you — it is important to stay cautious and not end up on the road of no return.
Be careful of social media posts about “making quick money” or offers to “take you on trips.” There are many legitimate ways to earn money. If I had another chance, I would never traffic drugs again, and I would live my life properly.
Note: This letter has been translated and edited from Chinese. Switch language to read the original letter.