Everyone makes mistakes at some point in their lives. As a child, when I made a mistake, I would be scolded or punished by my parents or teachers, but in the end, I would all be forgiven. Yet, not all mistakes can be brushed aside, especially when one breaks the law. Such mistakes not only bring legal consequences but also destroy one’s future. I am an example of this life lesson…
I am 28 years old, and I have been in custody for nearly a year now. I was born in Shenzhen (China) and came to live in Hong Kong with my parents when I was 8 years old. Growing up, I was not particularly mischievous; my family always thought I was a sensible person, particularly because I started working part-time since the age of 15 to help with expenses.
But I did have a rebellious moment. Born into a grassroots family and raised in a public housing estate, it was inevitable that I would cross paths with gangs and troublemakers…
When I was studying in Secondary One, I became acquainted with some friends who suggested me to “follow a gang leader.” to deal with the bullying I was suffering. I wanted others to know that I was not someone to be abused.
This experience was rather short-lived as I joined a Lion Dance troupe two months later, and to my good fortune, my master insisted I cut ties with those bad elements, which I did.
At 15, I was already working part-time at convenience stores and restaurants to help ease my family’s financial burden. Because of this I neglected my studies and eventually dropped out of school at age 18. I then enrolled in a one-year masonry course and joined the construction industry upon completion. I thought that since I couldn’t continue with formal education, I could at least learn a trade to make a living. Construction jobs paid relatively well at the time, allowing me to save money.
After five years, I became a master mason. During this time, I also took on some site projects as an independent contractor but things didn’t always work in my favour and I ended up being sued for unpaid wages. I fell into debt. Disheartened, I decided to switch to rebar fixing. The salary for rebar workers was quite good. I could earn about HK$2,100 per day.
But good times didn’t last. The company I worked for was affected by a site scaffolding collapse incident and the influx of foreign labor. Trouble and misfortune came one after another.
First, my grandmother passed away, and we needed money for the funeral expenses. Soon after, my maternal grandmother’s cataracts worsened, and she urgently needed a surgery. My elderly father worked as a truck driver, doing heavy lifting and moving work, earning only about ten thousand dollars a month. My mother was a housewife with no income. My younger brother is still studying, so my father’s income is all spent on the family and nothing left to save.
During that period, I felt overwhelmed and under great pressure, so I often went to bars to unwind. There, I met some shady individuals. When I got drunk, they would give me a “smoke” to help sober up. I didn’t believe it, but it turned out to be cocaine. That was the first time in my 26 years that I had used drugs.
I also saw my friends succeeding in their careers, living comfortably, and making good money. I wanted to prove myself so I finally agreed to sell drugs. But I also became addicted and even accepted drugs as part of my payment.
They repeatedly pressured me to use and sell drugs. At first, I refused because I didn’t want to associate with criminals but I eventually gave in because of the medical expenses for my grandmother. I also saw my friends succeeding in their careers, living comfortably, and making good money. I wanted to prove myself so I finally agreed to sell drugs. But I also became addicted and even accepted drugs as part of my payment. One or two weeks later, the police caught me with drugs and charges me with trafficking dangerous drugs.
The arrest
The moment I was arrested, my mind went completely blank. It was my first time being arrested, my first time entering a police station, but I already knew that I would have a criminal record and face imprisonment. Shortly after, I was placed in a detention cell to await the recording of my statement. During that time, negative emotions constantly overwhelmed my mind. I worried about my future; I feared the unknown length of my sentence; and most of all, I worried that my family would be heartbroken. When I called my mother from the police station, tears uncontrollably fell from my eyes. I told her I had been arrested for drug trafficking. She thought I was joking and quickly hung up the phone. At that moment, I guessed she was pretending to be calm because she couldn’t believe her son was involved in drug trafficking. As for me, I cried because I felt guilty for letting my family down and causing my mother distress.
When I was sent on remand, I realized how truly precious freedom is. I can’t celebrate birthdays or attend happy occasions with my family and friends. I was powerless. I can’t freely choose the food I like or the clothes I want to wear. Losing freedom also meant losing access to the internet and communication networks—no social media, no WhatsApp, no Facebook. It feels like being disconnected from the world and society, isolated from everything outside. The only way to connect with others was through letters and visits. But family and friends don’t always have free time to visit—they each have their own busy lives.
At times when no one came to visit me, I wondered whether I had been forgotten. That feeling was truly painful. Then I would start thinking about my sentence, recalling the days of freedom, regretting the wrong path I had taken, which in turn stirred up even more negative emotions.
I still vividly remember the first time my parents visited me. When I saw my parents appear before me, they were so emotional. When I spoke with them, my voice began to tremble, and I broke down in tears. It was then that I noticed the tired expressions on their worried faces and the wrinkles I had never seen before. We couldn’t touch each other; although separated by only a pane of glass, it felt so close yet so far.
Reflexion
When I tried drugs for the first time, I naively thought it was not much different from smoking and believed I could control it. But a few days later, it was too late. It felt like a demon had taken residence inside me, constantly urging me to try cocaine again, and my mind kept replaying the “pleasure” I felt when using it.
A bottomless pit
I was addicted! Drugs are a bottomless pit that will drain all your money. When you run out of resources, you will try every possible way to borrow money from those around you, making yourself hated by everyone and eventually alienated by all. This is basically the experience of every drug user, no matter how wealthy you are—no one escapes in the end.
No matter what excuses you have, how tough life is, or how much you need money, these are not reasons to fantasise about “making quick money.” It’s naive to think that your odds of getting caught by police are low. Remember the wise sayings “the more you climb the mountain, the more likely you’ll meet a tiger,” and “the net of heaven is vast but nothing escapes it.” Do not tempt luck.
Although it may seem that making quick money by selling drugs is easy, the money obtained through criminal means will always end you up in trouble. Easy comes, easy goes. Are you ready to face long years of imprisonment? Have you thought about facing separation, illness, or even death of your family and loved ones while in prison? And you are powerless to help. Is it worth it?
After being arrested I lost my freedom and my youth. I also dragged my family down. My family was even more heartbroken than I was. I’ve added extra burden to them, now instead of me helping them, they have to take care of me. I often worry that my younger brother might go astray because I set a bad example.
I have decided to turn over a new leaf, start afresh after release, and return to construction work. Although it’s hard work, under the sun and rain, at least it is an honest income without fear.
I advise all young people: even if not for yourself, think of your family. Don’t let your family worry about you. If you can’t succeed in studies, explore your interests and then enter related industries. As long as you work hard, you will have your day. Never let materialism, society, or money cloud your mind! Think twice before you act, think of your family, and think of your future!
Note: This story is a combination of three letters and it has been translated and edited to improve the readability and clarity of the story. Switch the language to read the original in Chinese.