When I was 25 years old, I was arrested for trafficking and remanded. Now I’m 28.
From my childhood, I was taken care of by my paternal grandmother, and I can say that we were a happy family. Once, my mother and paternal grandmother had an argument, and we moved out of her home. We lived temporarily with my maternal grandmother for two and a half years.
When I was nine years old, my dad needed to work in New Zealand, and my mum had to run a shop on the mainland. They left me and my younger brother with my maternal grandmother. At that time, she had to take a part-time job to support us. She was often tired when she came home, and many times, I took care of my younger brother and learned to behave well. I knew that my parents did not abandon us; they were simply trying to earn money and taught me the importance of it.
When I went to secondary school, my father returned to Hong Kong. We were forced to move homes. Since I liked my school, I had to change houses several times due to the high rental costs. My father faced high pressure, and he often got drunk and vented his frustrations on us. My mum managed the business. I developed a strong aversion to them.
After I graduated, I worked many part-time jobs, such as sales, tutor, and waitress. Even while working, I continued my studies and earned money for my tuition.
In 2016, I met my husband at a club where he was the manager, and he was 30 years older than me. Every day, I just wanted to see him, so I started working at the Club from 7 p.m. until 6 a.m. I loved him so much that I felt he deserved everything I could do for him. When, I earned my bachelor’s degree in service management, I left home, and rented a place to live alone.
In 2022, I became pregnant, and we both lost our jobs. Because of COVID-19, the economic environment was bad. He worked as a driver, but it couldn’t cover our daily expenses. Since then, he took on any job that could earn money.
One day, someone asked him to help drive a car, promising to pay him an allowance. After he took the car, I went to lunch with him, and this person instructed him to open the trunk, where we found four boxes. When he opened them, we discovered many packs of white powder. When we asked the guy what was inside, he seemed annoyed and pressured us to help him deliver the bags. We realized it was drugs, but due to our financial situation, fear, and temptation, we felt we had no choice but to comply.
Two days later, when we arrived at a car park and got into the car, ten police officers suddenly rushed out and arrested us. From that moment on, we knew we had lost our freedom and might face a 30-year sentence.
I am writing this letter to express my deepest remorse for the crimes I have committed, which have harmed society, particularly my own family and my son.
When I entered prison, I felt frustrated and regretful. It has been a really hard time in prison life, not only physically but also emotionally and spiritually. Every lonely night, I felt sad, but there was nothing I could do. I have been separated from my family, losing everything—my freedom and my loved ones. Every time I think of my family and my son, I hate myself for missing out on my son’s childhood. During this period, I have come to realize my mistakes and wrongdoings, and I am filled with deep regret and remorse.
My mother could not always visit due to her illness and the responsibility of taking care of my son. I know visits are difficult for her, but I still appreciate that my family stands by me. I treasure our 15 minutes of visiting time; even though we are separated by glass, I can still feel their support.
In the past, my thoughts were all wrong. I focused solely on material things, believing that money was everything. I thought money could help me take care of my family. But now I know that money can’t buy happiness, nor can it buy the time and love of family.
I miss my son and my family deeply; I am completely heartbroken. He’s still a baby, innocent and unaware.
Drugs are one of the most dangerous things in the world. They destroy families and individuals. Although they may seem attractive, they are not worth it.
I am fortunate to have come close to the Bible. I started joining a Bible course and learned a lot from it. I lost everything, but I gained so much. I’ve learned to be patient, to laugh, and to empathize. There are many people from different backgrounds and cultures. I am trying my best to live in peace with everyone and to take care of those who need my help. I’ve studied various courses to gain knowledge, and I work in a sewing garment workshop to learn new skills.
When I go out, I just want to take care of my son and family, and to make amends for everything. I want my child to grow up to be a disciplined, decent, and extremely considerate person. I will raise him in an environment rooted in love, care, and strong family values. I’ll be actively involved in his education and personal development, always striving to provide him with the best guidance and support. I will use my own experiences to help him avoid losing himself to negative peer influences and to stay on the right path. I will seize every opportunity to work towards becoming a better person and fulfilling my responsibilities as a good mother, knowing that my son needs his mother’s love.
Note: This post is a compilation of three letters and it has been edited to improve the readability and clarity of the story.
