I was arrested in Sham Shui Po on December 13, 2022, for trafficking dangerous drugs. Before that, I worked as a truck driver, putting in long hours of 15 to 17 per day to earn a monthly income of around HK$30,000. I had financial responsibilities, including supporting my retired parents and covering various expenses. Life was challenging.
In April of that year, my father’s health took a sudden turn for the worse. He required frequent hospital visits. By June, he was diagnosed with terminal prostate cancer and stage IV lung cancer. As someone with a background in insurance, I realized the significant expenses we would face.
During a conversation with a colleague, he suggested a way to solve my financial problems, with the condition that I stop immediately after fulfilling the need. He introduced me to a drug dealer. After a few days of contemplation, I succumbed to the temptation of earning nearly HK$200,000 per month and decided to engage in drug trafficking. I was willing to sacrifice my future for this income, especially considering my father’s treatment would cost around HK$130,000-$180,000 per month for at least a year. My father had dedicated most of his life to work, fulfilling the role of provider for the family and ensuring a worry-free life for us. I felt a strong sense of responsibility to do something for him, as I hadn’t done much for my family thus far.
Paranoia consumed me, as I couldn’t trust others and feared accidentally saying something that would lead to my arrest.
However, the life of a drug trafficker was far from easy. I constantly had to be on guard, avoiding trouble at all costs. I couldn’t face my family and friends and lacked the courage to reveal my involvement to them. Paranoia consumed me, as I couldn’t trust others and feared accidentally saying something that would lead to my arrest.
After six months, I was arrested one night. In all honesty, I felt a sense of relief, finally being able to escape the constant mental stress and anxiety of that life. However, I also worried about my father’s treatment and the financial burden that lay ahead. The court denied my bail application, and I found myself in the Lai Chi Kok Reception Centre, facing the worst possible outcome. In January 2023, my father succumbed to cancer, unable to be saved, and passed away without any family members by his side.
Reality hits
Being incarcerated is an unpleasant experience as it entails losing one’s freedom, privacy, and dignity. These are not exaggerated claims, but rather firsthand experiences.
Firstly, the loss of freedom means having no control over daily activities such as sleeping, waking up, eating, going places, interacting with others, or even showering at a preferred time. All decisions are dictated by prison authorities, and compliance is mandatory, even if one doesn’t feel like participating in sports activities or needs extra rest due to illness or lack of sleep. Medical appointments are only available during specific weekdays, regardless of one’s health condition.
Privacy is virtually non-existent. Inmates are under constant surveillance through CCTV cameras, correctional officers, and fellow inmates. Sharing living quarters with others is mandatory, regardless of personal preferences. All correspondence undergoes security checks. Showers provide a little relief from surveillance, but they are communal and shared by 40 to 50 individuals simultaneously. Tattoos, scars, and body piercings are visible to everyone. Even silent tears shed at night become known to the entire prison. Suicide attempts would most likely result in failure.
Their promises of enduring hardships together in this life and the next prove empty as they utter curses and lament the coldness of humanity.
Dignity is compromised in prison. Many individuals desperately beg their loved ones—parents, spouses, children, and close friends—for a brief conversation, only to be denied. People who once claimed unwavering loyalty and brotherhood refuse to spare a moment to meet. Their promises of enduring hardships together in this life and the next prove empty as they utter curses and lament the coldness of humanity.
Despite living in a community, the feeling of loneliness is indescribable. It is widely known that others are unwilling to listen to one’s troubles. Prisons are filled with individuals wearing masks of forced laughter and smiles.
Reflection
Many people may believe that drug trafficking, whether in transportation or sales, offers an easy and quick way to make a large sum of money. However, this line of thinking is incorrect. As the Chinese proverb goes, “The more risks or challenges one takes, the higher the chances of encountering a formidable obstacle or danger.” The longer you engage in such activities, the more desensitized you become, leading to carelessness and eventually making mistakes or being reported. Engaging in illegal activities is not a sustainable career choice. Instead of taking the risk, it is better to manage them and find a legitimate occupation during your younger years. Invest in insurance, seek medical treatment when necessary, and save money when you’re healthy. Rather than complaining about the erosion of your hard-earned money by the Mandatory Provident Fund (MPF), carefully select a reputable MPF service provider and manage your MPF account well. Use time to spread out the risks; it’s always better than resorting to desperate measures and sacrificing your future for money.
Regardless of your age, choosing this path should never be considered. If you are young, you have plenty of time ahead of you. If you are no longer young, sitting in jail will consume much of your time, unless you have a way to buy time. If you don’t have the means to buy time and you believe that the money is worth sacrificing your future, loved ones, friends, and the precious time spent with them, witnessing important moments, then you don’t have to listen to what I’m saying. Otherwise, take a moment to pause, think, and remember that there are always solutions to difficulties.
Every decision has the power to impact a lifetime, especially wrong decisions, and the consequences are not limited to just yourself.
Every decision has the power to impact a lifetime, especially wrong decisions, and the consequences are not limited to just yourself. Like me, my family, loved ones, and friends were all affected because of my choices. Fortunately, God gave me another chance. The police and correctional system intervened before I reached the point of no return. I was given a chance to reflect upon myself and choose a different path for the future. A path where I can live openly and honestly under the sun. I hope to have the opportunity to take care of my elderly mother and face my family and friends with dignity and integrity.
Note: This story is a combination of three letters, originally written in Chinese. It has been edited to improve readability. Switch language to read the original letters.