Reflections in the stillness of the night

I was arrested for drug trafficking when I was 19 and will turn 21 on September 1st. One day after my birthday, I will be transferred to another detention center to continue my sentence. On October 6th 2023, I will be sentenced in the district court.

While in custody, I have had many conversations with spiritual counselors and received love and support from my family. I have come to realize and admit my mistakes. I pray to God, asking for forgiveness for my sins. During this time, I have promised myself that once I complete my sentence, I will be a good son to my family and make positive contributions to society.

I want to share my experience as a warning to young people who are still struggling in society. I hope they don’t choose a life of crime like I did.

When I was younger, I wasn’t a very good student, but I followed the rules. Things changed when I started high school. I began hanging out with with a group of so-called friends on the streets and skipped school. I even ran away from home to get away from my parents’ scolding and restrictive rules. To my detriment, I got involved with criminals and did illegal things.

…I got involved in drug trafficking without understanding how serious it was. I just wanted to have fun, enjoy life, and make money fast. It was tempting, and I couldn’t resist the allure of drugs and money, so I took risks again.

At 16, I got arrested for the first time and learned what it’s like to be locked up. I thought that would change my bad behavior after I got out, but I didn’t learn my lesson. Six months later, I went back to my old ways and continued hanging out with those bad friends. I even started using drugs like cocaine and got into dangerous situations.

Back then, I didn’t think about the consequences of my actions. I was addicted to drugs and wanted to make quick money, so I got involved in drug trafficking without understanding how serious it was. I just wanted to have fun, enjoy life, and make money fast. It was tempting, and I couldn’t resist the allure of drugs and money, so I took risks again.

Not long after, I got arrested again for drug trafficking.

By chance, I encountered a prison chaplain who regularly visits and provides support to inmates. Through multiple conversations with him, he assisted me in rediscovering myself, resolving my confusion, and contemplating my mistakes. In summary, my life has transformed ever since. I now possess newfound goals and a sense of joy in my heart that I had never previously encountered.

In addition to the prison chaplain, my family has also played a big role in changing me. When it’s quiet at night and I can’t sleep, I think about everything my family has done for me. They never gave up on me, even when I made a lot of mistakes. Instead, they blame themselves for not teaching and guiding me properly, which led me down the wrong path. The more they blame themselves, the more guilty I feel because I know that the consequences I face today are because of my own actions, not because of my family.

When I see my 80-year-old grandmother, who has eye problems, hearing issues, and gout, making difficult trips to visit me, it breaks my heart. I realize that I have caused my family to suffer because of the things I’ve done wrong. Whenever I think about my grandmother, who raised me and is now getting old while I can’t be with her to take care of her, I deeply regret what I’ve done in the past. So, I’ve made a promise to myself that after I finish my sentence, I will be a good son to my family and contribute positively to society. I will never do anything illegal again.

Through this experience, I’ve learned to appreciate everything and everyone around me. Even though I’ve lost a lot of freedom and time during this period, I’ve found a new purpose in life. I hope that young people who are still struggling and lost in society can wake up and not make the same mistakes I did.

The problem of drug abuse and drug trafficking among young people is getting worse. Many teenagers take dangerous risks to make money quickly, and criminals take advantage of their desire for fast money to persuade them to commit illegal acts. Many young people are blinded by the immediate benefits and lose their way because of these short-lived gains. It’s definitely not worth the risk.

Drug addiction can destroy your life, and drug trafficking also harms society. I have personal experience with mental issues caused by long-term cocaine abuse. The harm caused by drugs is significant, both to individuals and to others. It’s crucial to avoid trying drugs or getting involved in drug trafficking, as they will ultimately bring harm to your life. To prevent future regrets, it’s important to stay away from drugs.

Note: This letter has been translated and edited from its original in Chinese. Switch language to read the original letter.