Path of regret: A mother’s struggle with drug addiction and redemption

I am a 43-year-old woman who grew up in a normal and healthy family with my parents and six siblings. I first encountered drugs when I was around 16 or 17 years old. A schoolmate from a higher grade let me try cocaine for the first time. After graduating from Form 5, I started working as a salesperson and continued to support my drug habit by using my salary to purchase cocaine. I attempted to join a voluntary drug detoxification program twice, but was unsuccessful. I just couldn’t manage to detoxify within only 14 days.

Later on, I met my current husband, who knew about my drug addiction and hoped I could quit. Unfortunately, my addition had a strong grip on me and I was unable to overcome it. We have three children, but I continued to use cocaine.

Sadly, my children are staying with different foster families as my husband and I are both imprisoned. I cannot take them back and care for them until I am released.

I maintained my drug habit by selling drugs. My husband knew that I needed money for my habit, so he also began to traffic drugs. He was caught and charged for trafficking 23 grams of cocaine, and is also in prison now.

Sadly, my children are staying with different foster families as my husband and I are both imprisoned. I cannot take them back and care for them until I am released. My children are 6, 5, and 2 years old, respectively.

I was charged with drug trafficking for carrying almost 9 grams of drugs, including heroin, methamphetamine, cocaine, and marijuana. Once a month, my mother visits me. She also takes care of my father and visits my children from time to time. I cannot thank her enough for her patience and perseverance!

I joined a drug rehabilitation center’s program about 10 years ago, but shortly after, I went back to my old drug habit. This time, however, things are different. I have three kids waiting for me to take them home, so I must stay firm in my commitment to remain drug-free. Additionally, my mother is getting old, and I hope to show her that I have become a new person so that she no longer has to worry about me.

I have been imprisoned for almost two years now and will be sentenced on March 29th. This is the longest time that I have been in prison. I am praying that our Heavenly Father will give me one last chance to become a good person again.

I started to learn about Jesus only after I came here. I now pray every night and ask God all the questions that are on my mind. I can feel that He has been supporting me. As a timid person, I struggle with public speaking and often feel embarrassed when I have to do so. Therefore, I ask God to give me the courage to face every situation here and to help me find strength during difficult times. I hope to introduce Jesus to my kids after I am released and reunited with them. I want to take them to church to learn about God’s Word and teach them to walk in His path. I don’t want them to end up like their mother, who only regretted her choices after being imprisoned!

Note: This letter has been translated and edited from its original in Chinese. Switch language to read the original letter.