I was imprisoned for drug trafficking and have now been in a correctional facility for 17 months, awaiting sentencing by the High Court.
Let me share my background. I have been working in a restaurant since I graduated from high school. Around the year 2020, I started to get into debt, my debts began to increase, and due to the impact of the pandemic, my income decreased. Unable to find a job, I had to borrow to repay old debts.
In March 2020, I found an extra job as a night-shift security guard, so I started working two jobs. My work at the restaurant began around 10 am until 10 pm, then I would go home to get ready to report to the security room. I worked all night until 7 am before going home for a nap. Sometimes, due to transportation issues, I couldn’t even go home and had to go directly from the security room to the restaurant to rest after my shift. I was only sleeping 3-4 hours a day.
This situation continued until the moment I was arrested, and I was supposed to work in the security room that night. Over the past year or so, my mental state deteriorated; I was severely sleep-deprived and tired. When I was on vacation, I would drink.
One time, I asked my middle school classmate, who is also a good friend, to go out for a drink with me. I had known him for more than ten years, and whenever I had trouble or felt unhappy, I talked to him. That time, I got to know his “older brother.” I didn’t label him as a gangster or a bad guy; I simply regarded him as my friend’s older brother because my friend said his brother was a loyal man who treated him well.
Gradually, I became very friendly with his brother, and we met more often. When the brother found out that I was in debt and needed to work at night, he began to arrange some odd jobs for me. He told me that the job was very simple—just treat it as a transaction after daily online shopping. There would be no problem, and I would get paid after completion. It wouldn’t waste my vacation time, and I could earn extra income.
Sleep deprivation, heavy debts, and long working hours made me lose my ability to think clearly. So, I agreed to his offer and accepted the job, but I never expected to end up like this.
Reality check
Now that I have met many drug addicts in prison, I have begun to understand the harm drugs have done to society. I am very glad that these drugs were seized in time by law enforcement officers and did not flow out to harm others. If these drugs had not been taken down in the first place, the consequences would have been disastrous.
After my arrest, I felt scared and helpless. Ever since law enforcement officers took me home for a search that night, I have not had the chance to hug or interact with my family. I can only hear their voices through the receiver.
I am very grateful that my family has not given up on me. They have always stayed with me. Ever since my detention, they have visited me at least once a week. I want to tell them how much I miss them, but I never say it out loud because I don’t want to upset them. So, most of the visiting time is spent talking about daily life and making small talk. But every time I see them off and leave the visiting room, I can’t help but get teary-eyed and cry in my heart while I look at their backs.
Sometimes, when I receive their letters, I can tell from their words that they are worried and miss me. I feel guilty. I feel guilty that I made them worry so much. They are worried that I am not sleeping well, not eating enough, not wearing enough clothes, whether I will be bullied, and whether I am worried about them.
It doesn’t matter how I live in prison because this is the price I need to pay. I just hope that my family will not be sad because of me. I will feel relieved if they can live healthy and happy outside.
When I realized that I would face such a long period of imprisonment, I tried my best to control myself and not think too much about things outside, as these are things I cannot control. But sometimes, I can’t help but feel troubled and anxious. about my future. I don’t know what the outside world will be like when I am released, how many of my friends will still care about me, whether my family will still be by my side, and if I can return to society and be a normal person again.
Whenever I think of this, I feel helpless and scared. I have only been in prison for a year and six months, but many of my friends have already become estranged from me—perhaps because they are busy, or because time has slowly diluted the feelings between us. During this time in prison, I have lost many important people, things, friends, time, and money. I can’t stop the passage of time, but I won’t let it go to waste.
So, during my time here, I have enrolled in some distance learning certificate courses to make good use of my time. I want to add value to myself, avoid having free time to think about random things, and equip myself well to prepare for the future.
Uncertain future
During my days of remand, I came into contact with many people like me who were imprisoned due to the influence of drugs. Whether they were involved in trafficking or simply using drugs, they were all deeply affected. We should not underestimate the harm that drugs can cause to society. It is important not to take risks because of a small amount of drugs, as they can lead to serious consequences.
I now deeply understand the seriousness of the mistake I made. I regret committing such a vicious act. I should never have resorted to such evil behavior to solve my problems.
Once you make the first attempt—whether it is smoking or trafficking—you will only sink deeper into the problem. Drug users will spend all their money in pursuit of drugs, while drug traffickers will continue to poison others for monetary gain. Therefore, we must be cautious about the friends we make and avoid those who have a habit of using drugs. If you notice that your friends are exposed to drugs, you should intervene immediately and encourage them to seek help. For those who are trying to quit, spend time with them. If they are unwilling to change, it’s best to distance yourself to avoid being influenced by drugs.
Additionally, due to the prevalence of social media, we can easily come into contact with strangers. When interacting with unfamiliar people, we should remain vigilant and disciplined to avoid falling into their traps.
Finally, we should focus on self-improvement and actively equip ourselves. Even if our academic results are not strong, we should strive to learn a skill that will help us find a legitimate job in society. We must not be tempted by shortcuts or engage in illegal activities for quick money. It’s essential to think carefully when faced with offers of significant benefits, as nothing comes without a cost. The consequences of greed can be severe, and the price is often heavier than any perceived benefits. I ended up where I am now because I sought quick money.
Note: This letter is a combination of three letters and it has been translated and edited to improve the readability and clarity of the story. Switch the language to read the original in Chinese.