I am 35 years old and currently in prison. I was arrested in 2023 and have been incarcerated for 23 months. I am involved in a case of trafficking dangerous drugs and a case of possession of Class A drugs.
I was born into a typical family of four, with a father, mother, and an older sister. I am the youngest, and no one in my family has ever used drugs; I also do not have a habit of using drugs and have never been in contact with them.
In 2015, I gave birth to a son. After his birth, I took care of him myself, looking after him during the day and working part-time at night to earn money. My husband was a transport worker and a gambler, and our relationship was always poor.
When my son turned one, my husband and I separated and I moved in with friends temporarily because I had no time to work, and I had to apply for government assistance. When my son entered primary school, my parents retired, and household expenses increased, as did the financial burden. I needed find a job to make a living, so I entrusted the care of my son to his father. I was responsible for my parents’ and son’s living expenses, as well as my ex-husband’s.
The day before my arrest, a friend told me that he had a friend who was busy and asked if I could help by taking a bag of things and keeping it at my place until his friend could pick it up. At that time, I didn’t ask what was in the bag, and my friend didn’t mention it, so I agreed to help without suspicion since we had known each other for a while.
Surprise arrest
The next day, as I was getting ready to go out, when police suddenly appeared outside my door, manhandled me, and arrested me. I had no idea what was happening. When other officers arrived, they began searching my home and found the travel bag containing several packages of methamphetamine and a large quantity of Viagra. I told the police that the bag did not belong to me and that it was a friend’s who had temporarily stored it at my house. I had no knowledge of the contents, but the police did not believe me.
The statement taken at my home was filled out by the police, who then asked me to sign it, claiming they would inform me of its contents only after my signature. I was afraid of being beaten again, so I complied. However, after signing, they did not inform me of the contents of the statement. Back at the police station, before taking my formal statement, the police intimidated me, stating that during the recording, I had to answer according to their pre-arranged responses, and all the details were what they demanded. If I did not follow their instructions, it would be detrimental to me. I expressed a desire to get a lawyer, but this was denied. It wasn’t until I received the case documents that my lawyer analyzed the situation and indicated that because the drugs were found in my home and there were many incriminating details in my statement, my chances of winning the case with a ‘not guilty’ plea were very low. Lacking confidence, I chose to plead guilty.
I only realized at the moment of my arrest that I had been used by my friend. I received no reward and was completely unaware of the entire situation. Now, I have to face a long sentence, and I feel regret and guilt for trusting my friend.
Missing home and family
After my arrest, I was immediately remanded at the correctional facility. Besides losing my freedom, the hardest part is being separated from my family and my son.
Whenever I think about how my son is without his mother to care for him, I feel deep sorrow and guilt.
Currently, my son is being cared for by his father, who lives with his pregnant girlfriend and her daughter, in very poor living condition. My ex-husband repeatedly asks my father for money to cover my son’s living expenses, medical costs, and school fees. My son has no personal space at home, no bed, and has to sleep in a tent on the floor. Soon, after their daughter is born, the situation will become even worse.
My son has visited me occasionally, but due to the lack of family members available to accompany him, I haven’t been able to arrange formal family visits. Communication with my son is challenging as I have no direct means of contact. My ex-husband is frequently unreachable, and when he does make contact, the conversations revolve solely around financial matters – my son’s education costs, living expenses, and sometimes even his own personal financial needs.
Upon discovering my son’s unfavorable living conditions, my parents expressed their desire to have him stay with them. However, my ex-husband denied this request.
Throughout my detention, my father has been my most frequent visitor. While my mother, a retired civil servant, limits her visits due to the sensitive nature of my situation, and my sister manages monthly visits around her busy work schedule, my father remains constant. At 71, when he should be peacefully enjoying his retirement years, he instead shoulders the burden of my circumstances—concerned about my sentence, my son’s wellbeing, and faithfully making weekly visits to bring me necessities.
My family has sacrificed a lot for me. Each time I see my father showing signs of aging during his visits, I feel immense pain and guilt. I regret not cherishing the time spent with my family more. Being incarcerated here, I cannot accompany my son as he grows, nor can I care for my aging parents. The only thing I can do is take care of myself so as not to worry my family. In the future, I will cherish the opportunities to spend time with my family even more and do my best to give them the best in return for all they have done for me.
Reflexion
Although I have adapted to life here, the support and encouragement from my family are crucial; they are my motivation to persevere. I understand that I need to accept and let go of the past and work hard to face the present, which will help bring me peace of mind and emotions, making time pass more easily.
Participating in this Campaign has benefited me greatly. By sharing my experience, I aim to remind young people outside not to make the same mistakes I did. During my incarceration, I enrolled in several courses to improve myself and, under the guidance of a pastor, I tried attending Bible classes. Through reading the Bible, praying, evangelizing, and spiritual reflection, I have found inner peace. My faith has changed me and helped me know God.
I used to feel anxious and restless about my case and my family, but now, with God’s guidance, I have entrusted everything to Him, which has brought me peace of mind. I believe God will lead me on the right path.
I’ve met many people here, whether involved in drug cases or other crimes. I share my experiences with them, reminding them to choose friends wisely and to distinguish right from wrong. One should not trust others too easily. Even if a long-time friend asks for help, it is essential to think carefully. Blindly trusting friends, like I did, can come at a high cost.
My lawyer mentioned that the sentencing guidelines for my case are 12-15 years. After deducting a third for pleading guilty and a third for good behavior, I still face six years. Losing my freedom and precious youth due to a moment of weakness has cost me valuable time with my family. I hope others do not make the same mistakes as I did.
After my release, I will distance myself from my previous circle of friends, work on improving myself, repay my family for their support, and be there for my son as he grows up, striving to be a contributing member of society.
Note: This post is a combination of three letters that have been translated and edited to improve the readability and clarity of the story. Switch language to read the letters in the original Chinese.